This September, the last episode of Guiding Light will air. Never mind that this is the longest running soap opera, nay the longest running television show...nay the longest running show in production. GL started on the radio, in fifteen minute episodes in 1937! But aside from that, and the fact that they should keep it on the air for longevity alone, it has been a huge part of my life for so many years. Well, not a HUGE part, we're talking less than four hours a week minus commercials, which I can fast forward through now thanks to DVR. Trust me, there are some old VHS tapes in storage somewhere that have DO NOT TAPE OVER written on them!
I remember very clearly a day at my friend's house, my friend who lived with her boyfriend and their baby. She was 15 at the time. Their roommate was my boyfriend at the time. He was not a great guy. I was not a cherished girlfriend. I sat on their bed flipping the channels. Suddenly I saw this beautiful young couple (Beth and Lujack) riding along the beach on a white horse. The song playing was Almost Paradise, a very popular love song at the time. I was hooked in that moment. Then the opening credits started to roll, and the theme for the show was the most beautiful melody. I had found my escape. My life at 14 was not typical, it was not pretty, and it was not normal. This seemed normal to me. Kids in love, families that don't approve. Espionage. Murder. Love triangles involving fathers and sons. Totally normal right?
For twenty five years, I have followed the Bauers, the Spauldings, the Coopers, the Reardons, the Chamberlains, and of course the Lewis clan! And everyone who has come and gone, intertwining their lives. And the Bauer barbeque! You just can't miss the Bauer barbeque! Remember the whole not normal life thing? We didn't have traditions like this. This was my 4th of July every year, what I looked forward to. Bauer burgers. This is where I learned you do NOT clean the grill, that's the flavor! Twice a year, a beautiful speech would be made by the show's patriarch, Jerry Ver Dorn, in the character of Ross Marler. Just before Christmas, and at the Bauer barbeque. It would be a heartfelt speech about family, community, hope and love. Things have not quite been the same since Jerry left GL for some other show (pfft), but I will not forget how it made me feel.
OK, I did have a real life, and still do, of course I do not live in Springfield. But when faced with never seeing my tv family again, it feels like I truly am losing a part of myself. My GL family has been there: been there as I struggled to be a child living a very grown up life. As I struggled to live a grown up life while still a child. As I married for the first time, at the age of 16. (Even they didn't go that far!) As I became a mother. Divorced. Lost my way for years. Found my way again. Built a new life, a new family. Loved people, lost people, moved all over the place as often as I could, through all the ups and downs of my life, there was a constant. I have so many constants in my life now, I will never feel lost or lonely again. But nothing in my life has endured for so long or so consistently. No other earthly comfort in my life has yet been there, every day, no matter what for as many years as GL. Well maybe not every day, there are the NCAA championships and the OJ trial, but I can forgive that.
Two years ago, GL launched Find Your Light to commemorate their 70th anniversary. Each month the cast and crew would hit a different city to help rebuild a home, a school, someone's life. I joined them in Norfolk to refurbish a transitional home for homeless families trying to get back on their feet. Sure, it was cool to meet a few cast members. I met Frank Dicopolous, who was the 'hunk' when I started watching. Nicole Forrester, who was just as sweet and charming as I imagined. And John Driscoll, from my very own town of Fairfax. I was admittedly a bit star struck! But the experience was so much more rewarding in other ways, for me and for them. I really enjoyed being given that opportunity to help others, and the reward of doing it along side some people who were in my living room every day.
It makes me a little heartsick to watch every day now. (Or rather catch up on an entire week when I have the time) It's like being in a relationship that you don't want to end, but you know it's coming. Well ok, it's not like that, it is that. I realized this morning that this year will be the last Bauer barbeque. Luckily for me, I have my own beautiful family to spend my time with this July 4th, and every day. Those "not normal" days of my life are long gone, and so is that bad boyfriend. I no longer need that sort of escape from my life. I have my own, very real guiding light in my life. But I am sad, and I will miss it. I will miss my Guiding Light. I am stocking up on tissues for September.
"There is a destiny that makes us brothers. None goes his way alone. All that we send into the lives of others, comes back into our own." Reverend Ruthledge, 1937
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